You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
