Your dad touched me again.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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