the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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