I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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