mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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