so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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