i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
