the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize