In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
