I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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