I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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