She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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