she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
