I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
