walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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