This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
