no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
