I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
