Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
