that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
