so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
