I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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