At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
