Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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