oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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