I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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