Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
