that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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