Why does Corona taste like a burp?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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