I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
