He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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