I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
