I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
