I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
