I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
