I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
