Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
