And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
