the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
