I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
