So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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