i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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