If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
