he shaved USA in his pubs
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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