I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
