i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
