Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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