I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
