he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Sober January is a disaster.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
