i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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