just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
