I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
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