Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Damn victory sex feels great
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
